Well it has been forever since I've made an entry! Sorry but I just have not been able to make a complete thought!!  The first 3 treatments have been very hard and the 2nd and 3rd have each gotten worse and worse so this 4th I'm hoping will be the easiest since its my last!!!  After the 2nd and 3rd I had such a horrible breakdown to Tom!  I just didn't think I could do another treatment.  I just cried and cried and tried to think about all I have to live for cause believe me heaven was certainly where I wanted to be!!  I went to Dr. Foote for my appointment last week and I begged her to give me an early Christmas present and let me skip my 4th treatment and she said absolutly not cause I want you to live!!  So with that being said I am going to go into this treatment tomorrow with the choice of life.  Please pray that this treatment will be the easiest of the 4 for me and that I will recover fast!!! 

I will get 2 weeks off between my 4th cycle of Adriamycin and Cytoxin and my 1st treatment of Taxol.  Taxol will be once a week for 12 weeks.  It is not as hard as the first 4 chemos and my hair will actually grow back....and I must say that I really have gotten used to getting ready in like 20 minutes and enjoy it!!!  Now I'm ready for my hair to grow back FAST!! In this cold weather you really miss your own hair!!

The Smith family had a wonderful Christmas!!  Christmas really seemed more meaningful this year!!  Its interesting how looking in the eyes of death will give you a whole new perspective on life.   Thank you to all of you for your gifts of prayers!!  Each prayer has been heard and the Lord is mighty to answer them!!  May each of you have a wonderful New Year and be a blessing to others!!!


Just a reminder that on January 8th at Milford Elk Lodge on Elks Lodge rd Holly Fry is doing a bingo benefit for my family!!!  There are some FANTASTIC prizes from what I hear...tickets are 20.00 each or 2 for 35.00!!!  She has put a lot of hard work into making this happen and she did all of it during the busiest season of the year.  Please come and have a blast!!!  Just as a side note you will want to sit at the table with Holly and Kerri Fry they are hysterical and competative when it comes to winning bingo!!  So doors open at 6:00 bingo starts at 7:00 get there early and find out where they are sitting and take all of their lucky trolls!!! 

Love you guys and thank you for your prayers!!  God bless each of you richly!!

This was my devotion for the day and thought I would share it with you I really enjoyed it:

"According to your faith let it be to you" Matthew 9:29

My promises are of no avail to you except as you apply and appropriate them by faith.  In your daily walk, you shall be victorious only to the degree that you trust Me.  I can help you only as you ask.  I will meet you at every point where you put action alongside your prayers.  Only as you walk will the waters of adversity be parted before you.  Overburdened as the world is with trouble and sickness, I need those who have proved My sufficiency in everyday, personal experience to lead the suffering to the fountains of lifel  I need those who have found Me as burden-bearer to help bring deliverance to the oppressed.

Never begrudge time given to chronic complainers, but recognize in each encounter the opportunity to speak a word that may lead to their liberation.  No case is too hard for Me.  Never be taken by surprise when I use you to change a pattern.  Do not judge a man by what he appears to be, but see him as what he can be if he gives himself unreservedly to Me. 

On Sunday morning Pastor Bill said something that I will never forget...We all need to live with this statement in our minds and hearts...."Faith is not believing in God but believing God"


Have a great week!!  Love you all!

Shannon

Ok so I had Rose come over on Wednesday to cut my hair before my 2nd treatment and she left it about 1/2 inch all over well today I had to have Tom shave it to just stubble.  Kinda like a 5:00 shadow!!  It was again just falling right out and since this 2nd treatment I have just become nauseated by hair.  Not sure why just disgusted by it. Oh my dogs are making me sick with their fur and thats all I can smell in my house is dog and it seems just yucky!!  My house seems yucky and smells I can smell everything!!! 

Ok enough with the negativity!!  I feel like I took this treatment better then the first one.  I know that I had a plan cause I kinda knew what to expect so I was in bed til Saturday night.  Then on Saturday night I got up and went to Ronny's in Smyrna.  This was the first time that I wore my wig in public and I was so insecure!!!!  I had wore it to the cancer center but everyone there has one so that didn't matter.  I didn't have a lot of strength so I walked around then went and sat in the truck til everyone else was ready.  Yes Dairy Queen still tastes fantastic to me!!!  Small chocolate cone dipped in cherry yummy!!! 

Well getting ready to house some french bread pizza so have a great week and God Bless!!!

Half way done!!!  Praise the Lord He is good!! He is also good cause I don't feel as bad with this treatment as I did with the first treatment.  Thank you for your prayers Tom and I just prayed that this treatment would be easier than the first and so far another answered prayer!!! 

In James 1:2 it says....My brethren, count it ALL joy when you fall into various trials.  When you read that you think for sure James doesn't mean cancer when he said ALL, certainly when our children get sick James didn't mean count it ALL, or even when someone you love dearly dies well of course James didn't add that into ALL!!!!  Even this morning when my hair was falling out by the handfuls and I had to call my hairdresser to come shave my head of course that was an exeption in the notes of my bible that James wrote!!!!  WRONG WE ARE TO COUNT ALL OF OUR TRIALS AS JOY!!! As I look at myself in the mirror with a crew cut I now look sick and that is joyful I must tell you!!! How is that you ask...well the Lord obviously has let Tom and I walk through this trial and walking through this means that there are things that the Lord wants to show or teach us now that is Joy my friends.  He may also want to give us a blessing and that is good news!!  I also look at every treatment as just one more step to complete healing never to have to do this again!!  I am so happy that I read that scripture and really thought about it.  No James didn't write a footnote that said ALL doesn't include shaving your head or any of the other examples I gave you it means just what it says ALL!!!  I just pray that when the Lord gives you trials that you will now look at them as joy....you maybe confused at first but please sit back take a look and pray and meditate on James 1:2 you will start to see the joy!!

Tomorrow is the Neulasta shot....YUCK....JOY....YUCK....JOY.....the joy in the shot is that it is helping my body to recover from the poison that has just invaded every part of my body!!! It is not pleasant but I am sure that the Lord heard my prayers and it won't be as tough as the first shot and it would do its job!! 

Prayer please pray that I will start sleeping better, quick recovery, no mouth sores, and no metallic taste still and again.  May God bless all of you and may you please take a look at situations and find JOY IN ALL OF THEM!!!

Hola amigos!!!  Ok this Wednesday is my next chemo treatment so again the specific prayers are no mouth sores, no metallic taste, and a quick recovery!!  Thank you Jesus in advance for answered prayers!!!  I have my plan and I am ready cause the Lord has promised to be with me ...to never leave me or forsake me!  Thank you to all that are scheduled to bring us dinner this week may God bless you for your kindness!  Love having dinner delivered well since I can't get out of bed and need Tom at my beckon call.  I just read a book, its a quick read, its called Through the Fire & Through the Water.  It was written by Dr. Betty R. Price her husband is Frederick Price he is a tv evangalist I think? Well anyway she had lymphoma and was healed by it because of her faith in Jesus.  When she was first diagnosised with cancer she said the Lord never told her to do chemo and radiation so she didn't do it she just believed for a miracle.  Well needless to say the tumor just kept getting bigger and bigger until she realized that she needed to do chemo and radiation. The reason for me telling you this is because we ask the Lord for a miracle and then just WAIT not doing anything cause we have "faith". When all along the Lord was gonna give you a miracle but you didn't take the meds He sent you or you didn't take the chemo or radiation He sent you. I was asked by someone why I was gonna do the chemo and radiation if I was already healed. I do believe I am healed but I also know that I need to do what He told me to do so I can get my miracle!!!  Not sure why I felt like sharing that but I just thought it was important!  Love ya guys and hope you have a wonderful wonderful week!!

Love, Shannon

Ok this is really getting old!!  I had my very best day yesterday for Thanksgiving and then i woke up again today with a headache got in the shower cause that seems to help and no relief.  I juiced up some orange juice and took an Allegra and no help....so I decided to just go back to bed and didn't get up til almost 2!!!  Didn't get to really feeling better til around 8:00 and Tom and I got up and went to Dairy Queen that made me feel better.  I even thought getting up and taking a walk may help and I think it helped a little.  So now I have a new pain oh yes this is fun stuff my hips hurt!!!  Oh my it has been pretty painful today!!!  So yes headache and hips hurt what a great day!!  Oh well I only have 3 left and I'm gonna face each of them head on!!  I had a break down today with Tom and I just told him how scared I was about doing another treatment and how much it just hurt every part of me and we just prayed together and I really felt the Lord tell me to get a plan.  So I have a plan of attack and I also know that the Lord will be again carry me through the bad days and let me walk when I'm ready!!  He is with me through this whole process and I have no reason to fear!!!  So I'm trying to know what I need you to pray for and I haven't figured it out yet....so if you could just pray for me to regain strength everyday I would really appreciate it!!!  Thank you guys sooo much and I love ya!!

Shannon

I have so much to be thankful for that I don't even know where to begin...ok yes I do...I am most thankful for my Lord and saviour Jesus Christ!!  I am thankful that by His stripes I am healed and that by His resurrection we can go confidently to the kingdom of heaven!!  Thats first and foremost!! 

I am thankful to my husband that he has been the best husband ever though this rough time in our marriage.  I have treated him so bad sometimes and I can't believe that he would still love me and stay with me!!  I must be the luckiest girl alive!!!  He has not waivered he has not been thrown off his rock he has never left my side and never once made me fell less of a women!!  I am so thankful that I can honestly say he is my best friend and my husband!!!  I can't imagine even one minute without him!!  I just ask that God bless him abundantly!!! 

I am thankful for my 2 stepsons that I love so much!!!  They have brought so much joy into my life that I didn't even count as joy but now that I'm sick I see things so differently!!!  Just watching them argue is a joy now believe it or not.  You get to see each of their individual personalities.  I just pray that they see how their father has handled our marriage and our times of need and they grow up to be honorable men just like their father!! My prayer for their future is that they will find good Christian women who will be a great helpmate to them and just make them sooo happy and will give them beautiful children that will someday call me a cute grandma name!!! 

I am thankful for my one and only brother that is also my best friend!!!  I don't know how I would of ever done life without him.  He is a great brother, husband, and father.  I know that if I ever needed anything that all I have to do is call him and he is there for me.  He has seen me through rough times as a girl growing up into a women, he has been there with and for me through my first divorce, and he has been right beside me through breast cancer and he has felt my pain and hurts and fears right with me and has never backed away but jumped right in when the going got tough!!! 

Thankful to my parents and stepparents and stepsisters and grandparents and my in laws and my nephews and aunts and uncles and many many friends and extended family and church family that have prayed for my healing and have believed in my healing!!!  For all the outpouring of love and gifts that each and everyone of you have poured out on me!!  The cards that just haven't stopped and I look forward  to each day to going to get my mail cause I know there is another card for me!!  They have been so inspirational to me and just keep me moving forward even on those hard day!!!  For the dinners that have been brought to me made by my friends loving hands!!  The food that has norished me throw days when I didn't want to eat but knew that I had to!!  The amount of time that families have prayed with their children for me and for the children that have prayed for me by themselves!!!  For my mommom that has committed to taking me to all my appointments and just sitting by my side and making dinner and desserts and just simply loving me how can I ever repay that? She has never once complained about anything I have asked her to do but gone above and beyond what I have asked of her!!

So with all that I am thankful for I just pray for each of you that God will find favor on you and your family during this holiday season and keep you all in good health and prosperity!!  May you all find out what it is like to know that you are the child of the Most High God and feel the love that comes with knowing that!!!

Ok the good news is that Johns Hopkins retested my tumor tissue and they now say that I am NOT triple negative but my cancer is Estrogen receptor positive!!!!  Ok what does that mean?  Its good....this is God's handy work everyday he lets me know that He is in control!!!  Ok so they test the tumor for Progestrone and Estrogen receptors and HER2 receptors...these are 3 female hormones and they look to see if the cancer is fed by all or one or none of these hormones and Johns Hopkins said mine was fed by Estrogen!!!  Which means that after my chemo, yes I stil have to do chemo, I will be able to take a pill called Tamoxifen for 5 years after and that greatly increases my cure rate!!  My doctor and I were very happy with that...here's a few facts about Tamoxifen that really give some positive news about ER positive:

Tamoxifen can:

• reduce the risk of breast cancer coming back by 40% to 50% in post-menopausal women and by 30% to 50% in pre-menopausal women
• reduce the risk of a new cancer developing in the other breast by about 50%
• shrink large, hormone-receptor-positive breast cancers before surgery
• slow or stop the growth or advanced (metastatic) hormone-receptor-positive breast cancer in both pre- and post-menopausal women
• lower breast cancer risk in women who have a higher-than-average risk of disease but have not been diagnosed

I am pre-menopausal so it increases my cure rate by 30-50%!!!  Reduces the risk of new cancer in the other breast by 50% and I'm still praying about having my other breast removed!!!  Really this is good news I am so excited!!  I have soooo really felt healed from the very beginning of this but now I just know the Lord is still working and holding me!!!  God bless you all and Happy Thanksgiving!!

Well this is Monday 11/23/2009. This is the monday after my first chemo treatment!!  My hair has lost all of its texture so its just basically flat, I'm hungry every three hours or so and I don't mean for a little snack I mean for a meal!!!  When I get hungry is when I feel sick to my stomach, I have a yucky taste in my mouth, its not a metallic taste just yucky!!  I tire pretty easy and my body still aches somewhat.  I LOVE white rice and chicken wings from Chinawok in Milford and chocolate icecream cone dipped in cherry from Dairy Queen!! Tom has been juicing for me in the morning so I usually have scrapple egg and cheese sandwich with a glass of fresh juice so I'm getting protien...then for a snack I have a smoothie with yogart and fruit and a scoop of protien powder in it so I'm really trying to make sure I am eating a lot of protien!!!  I got Coq10 vitamins and ginger root tablets.  The Coq10 is to help keep my heart in good condition cause of the chemo and the ginger is to help settle my stomach when it gets a little yucky feeling!!!  I really started feeling better on Sunday night but up until then I really felt pretty crappy so each day is getting better and better!  Im gonna be thankful for the days when I feel good and just consider each day a blessing and receive the mercies of the Lord!!!  The one thing I hold on to with all my life is that I know what the Lord has shown me and He showed me that I have to do this and at the end there will be healing so I assure you that the only reason I will do this is because He has gone before me!!!  He is carrying me most of my days and I trust Him with my life!!!  I pray that each of you know my best friend Jesus....the One that I hold onto with each breathe I take during this time!!  I love you guys and pray that the Lord blesses you with the same mercies and grace He gives me everyday!!!

Well I slept on Wednesday after my chemo only to wake up on Thursday to get a shot that was worse then the chemo I think!!  Wow that shot hurt me all over even the bones in my face hurt!!  I would touch another part of my body and it would hurt!! I would try to walk as best as I could and it hurt!!  Yuck I didn't like that at all!!! So today is Saturday and I am up and I don't hurt as bad!!  My head still feels a little fuzzy but that may be normal!!  I can't remember how I felt prior to any of this!!  My dear sweet grandmother has been right by my side through all of this she won't let me even go to the cancer center by myself!!  She made some dessert for me made some ice tea and brought some saltines over for my upset stomach!! I wanted to get out for a little walk yesterday and my house needed to be vacuumed so stinking bad so I called my mother in law over to help me take a walk and to vacuum for me!  Well we took a walk and that really felt good to get outside and get some fresh air then she practically cleaned my whole house!!!  She is the BEST cleaner ever!!!  She knows how to clean let me tell you!! So if you need a cleaning lady let me know and I will give you her number!!  Thank you soooo much to the Troyers, Parkers, and Hobbs for dinner this week!!!  All of it was EXCELLENT!!!  I so appreciate each of you for taking your time to make my family a meal!!!  May God Bless each of you ABUNDANTLY!!  I mean that from my heart...that was such a relief to me that I could just sleep and rest and not have to worry about getting up to make dinner. Tom works all day and comes right through our front door and continues to work waiting on me!!!  So Thank you again and again!!!!  BTW I still have my hair!!!  I hope it stays til at least Monday!!!  I'm going up to pick up my wigs on Monday!!!  Thank you for all your prayers and keep them up!!!  Thats the only way I'm gonna make it through this!!!  For three days Jesus held me in his arms and today he has let me down to walk with him cause I'm able to walk today!!!  I feel much better today so thank you again!!! 

This lady at my doctors office gave me this piece of paper last Tuesday...she said when she read it she automatically thought of me:

Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh Crap, She's Up!!!"